Friends, how often has this situation happened to you?
Have you selected a new ensemble of fashionably black clothing only to have your so-called Jedi friends hunt you down like a dog? Does your fall wardrobe of dark colours strike fear among those of the Republic?
Then worry no more! For I have developed an easy-to-use guide to avoid future Jedi faux pas and keep your friends and, most importantly, YOU safe! Test your knowledge and try these quick and reasonably painless tests to determine if you are giving your friends the wrong message!
After the break, we’ll give you some very helpful tips to ensure this doesn’t happen to you! Friends don’t let friends fall to the Dark Side!
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First of all, it is true when they say “the clothes make the man”. A poor choice in clothing selection goes a long way in preventing an all-out Jedi rumble.
A Quick Test You Can Do at Parties:
Another test you can do yourself is this quick and easy method of spotting Sith. Try it at the next party your at! You’re friends will thank you when you’ve singled out the Sith party-crasher ruining everybody’s fun!
See how easy this is?
Finally, I leave you with a handy checklist for you to use if you are concerned YOU may be a Dark Lord of the Sith.
If you can answer “Yes” to 5 or more of these questions, then you better think twice about attending the Jedi Council Summer Picnic next year my friend!
- Do you precede your name with “Darth”?
- Does your clothing wardrobe primarily consist of black, red, or silver?
- Do you often have trouble breathing? Do you require the assistance of an oxygen mask?
- When shopping for a new lightsaber, does the salesmen take you to the aisle containing only the red ones?
- Is your immediate solution to any disagreement is to cut off your opponent’s hand?
- Have you lost any limb in a lightsaber duel? (Drunken double-dog-dares excluded)
- Have you replaced any missing limb with a cybernetic version?
- Will no amount of cosmetic concealer hide those varicose veins on your face, hands, arms, legs, neck, torso, or any other part of your body?
- When discussing the conditions of a deal, do your friends often pray you don’t alter it further?
- On a typical working day, do you Force choke more than 3 employees?
- Have you, or do you plan to, kill your Jedi Master?
- Have you, or do you plan to, kill your Jedi Padawan?
- Have you, or do you plan to, hire Bounty Hunters to kill either of the aforementioned individuals?
- Are you aware of any children of yours hidden away across the galaxy?
- Do you have a family history of global domination, planetary slavery, or mass weaponization?
- In Jedi Physics class, do your classmates often glance collectively at you when discussing a “Balance” to the Force?
- Do your discussions with George Lucas often involve the phrase: “Nooooo!!!!”
Well there you have it! Learn these lessons well, my friend, for it may save you an embarrassing moment at the next Jedi Council meeting.
If you found this guide useful, then you may be interested in these other Rackham Field Guides coming soon to a databank near you!
Rackham’s Field Guide to Wookies: 101 ways to let the wookie win
Rackham’s Field Guide to Gambling: Never tell me the odds
Rackham’s Field Guide to Jedi Mind Tricks: Next time those WILL be the droids you’re looking for!